Sense of Relieve

As fast as the warm weather came and the blossoms appear, the weather was just as fast to turn again upon us here in Seattle. It is once again cold, rainy and surprisingly it snowed last week again and yet it is already mid March. It is amazing how fast things can change in a short period of time. It feels like winter again and yet I so desperately want to see a glimpse of summer before I leave this beautiful city.

Mr C. and I broke up last Saturday and it has been a week already and I feel fine. I feel a sense of relieve and that everything will be okay. I also know that rationally this was the right decision for the both of us. I think I hinted several time and that it was very brave of him finally do the deed and I am very grateful as such. He invited me to have dim sum the next day, but I declined as I think it would be awkward to have lunch with his friends especially given the circumstances. He contacted me on Wednesday to see if we would hang out. That didn't happen as he got back to Seattle late. I also tried to make an effort to hang out again, but that also didn't happen. I didn't contact him for a few days after the break up as I wanted to give him time to recover. I think emotionally it might be slightly too soon for him and I know that he get frustrated easily.

I once spoke to a psychic and counsellor. She told me that we all go into a relationship for a specific purpose. It is up to us to figure out why we did so before we can move on. It is our way have closure and to learn about ourselves. In an interview with Oprah, Pink states that "I don't believe you" was the most humble song she has ever written. In reference to her breakup for a year, she states that she spent six year trying to change someone else and is a distraction for not looking at herself. Her father told her that if you could list 20 things you want in a person then make sure you have all of those first and she didn't. Oprah believes that the true meaning of a relationship is about learning who you are first so you can be more intimate with your true self and with somebody else. Pink explains that you can learn more about yourself in a context of a relationship than outside of it. A lot of people like to start over, but then come to the same problem. Oprah states that is what true spiritual partnership is about, learning about yourself.

Whilst, I do not think that I should return to the same relationship with any of my exs, I do however agree that one can learn an awful lot about oneself and that it is necessary to learn from this before one can move on. The question now is, how intimate, honest and frank do we need to be with ourselves? If we admit to ourselves our weakness then how fragile would we feel to ourselves? This is because we are our own biggest enemy and we are our worse critics at times. I also often believe that the reason people break are often not those represented on the day. The reason we often list aren't always the ones we really know deep down as what they should be.

It might take time before I am able to completely answer those questions. A week, a month or years. However, on another note, the breakup has given me less to think about and I am actually rather relieve as this will allow me to focus on my return to Australia and look for a job there. I have already started the job hunting process. I think it has all been a mixed blessing. Mr C has helped me in overcoming Mr G and I feel that I can really move on now. It also feels like I have some weight lifted off my shoulders. I know that Mr C is back on the game and has also moved on as he is on dating websites again. I think I am happy that he can move on quickly and I will always remember him and the happy moments we have shared in the short period of time we have been together.

I really don't think that he is emotionally ready for a relationship though his loneliness makes him seek a relationship. I also think he was really emotionally scared and never believed in love. Perhaps he said so because he was guarding himself much better than I thought. I think I could go on listing things, but I think it would give me better peace to just remember the good times.