Sense of Guilt and Happiness

The Encyclopedia of Psychology defines guilt as a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes - accurately or not - that they have violated a moral standard, and is responsible for that violation.

It has been more than half a year since I have broken up with my ex and being on the single market and it has meant that I have opened up myself to a whole lot of possibilities. It has been a couple of weeks since I met Mr. C. He added me on Facebook and then I met him in person through a mutual friend. We showed interest in each other and I have grown quite fond of him. We have seen a movie, dined out together and spend more than a week in each other's presence. It seems like Mr. C has stayed in my apartment for a week and we were happy to just be with each other and for days we didn't even leave the apartment.

A couple of days ago, Mr. C requested that I change my relationship status on Facebook so that everyone could see that we are together and I did so in the spur of the moment. The update has severe consequences. Within minutes, people started commenting about my new relationship status. Then the next day Mr. G saw it on my Facebook page and sent his congrats. We texted each other a bit, but something wasn't the same. I felt ashamed, guilty and definitely as though I have violated a moral standard.

The question is how long is long enough for us to start dating other people without feeling guilty? How long is long enough to show respect to our previous relationship. Yes, it almost feels like asking, how long does a widow have to wait before having sex with another man, instead in our case, the ex really isn't dead yet.

The same day Mr. G sent his congrats, I send an email off to a mutual friend - Ken, explaining my dilemma. His response was that if the agreement is that we are only friends since the breakup then Mr. G should feel happy that I have moved on and into a new relationship. As sensible as his words were, I couldn't help but continue to feel guilty. In certain cultures authority states that one can only remarry after a year of mourning while other states that one should remarry as quickly as possible especially where young children are involved. In my case, there were no young children and my ex really isn't dead.

As Dr. Meredith Grey stated in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, "You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore".

Similarly, he was the one that always wanted the break and wanted to move on. The one that make me move out. The one that first had sex with someone else. So I don't get to be the whore, feel dirty, ashamed of myself or guilty for choosing the way I repair myself.